So, I'd like to go on public record to all of you at the same time and tell you all "No", I did not catch the Swine Flu and I will not be dying anytime soon.
(take a moment to let the joy you just felt rush over you)
But now I'd like to take a few minutes and have a PSA for you all on Swine Flu Prevention.
A couple things to keep in mind during this global medical scare:
1) Don't eat the pork. This may turn into something like mad cow, only swineier and less irrate.
2) People will laugh at you if you leave the house donning a cloth mask like Dr. McDreamy. My advice: bedazzle that shit. It just makes it more fancy.
3) When on an Airplane back from Mexico City or Puerto Vallarta or anywhere else South of America, refrain from joining the Mile High Club with any suspicious looking men (or women) (or pigs).
4) I don't know if there is any actual proof to this statement but, being a woman lacking health insurance, I am forced to self medicate. Alcohol will kill 99.9% of all germs. Feel a little achy? Vodka. Starting to sneeze? Tequila. Upset stomach? Jager.
In advance, you are welcome.
When you are living the high life, swine free in America...you can tell everyone you owe it all (or none) to LL.
In other related news:
Here's a pic of me on the beach in Mexico last weekend.
I sure had a great time!
*My new Blackberry is the bomb. I'm so cool. I just wanted to make you jealous.